A Friend? A lover? Or. . . something else?Author: +Freddie Cook
A lover. . . DOWN-graded to . . . friend?
An ex. . . UP-graded to. . . friend?
Hmmm… so what’s that all about and what really is behind their decision?
You’ll find the reasons your ex wants to remain friends listed below with a short explanation for each possible reason, hopefully one of them will ring true and give you the answer you’re looking for. . . but first… have you considered what being friends with your ex might be like?. . . What are the psychological implications?
It sounds like a pretty reasonable suggestion when your ex says, “let’s be friends,” doesn’t it? After all, you’ve spent months or years of your life with this person, so you obviously like them and vice versa. So why wouldn’t you want to maintain a friendship even though you’ve broken up?
You might even be thinking “being friends is better than nothing” besides, it could be a stepping stone to falling in love all over again.
It sounds good, but as appealing as staying friends with your ex might be, the ‘friendship zone’ is something to avoid when you really desire a more romantic relationship. When you’re having trouble getting your ex back, then being friends with your ex is NOT the way to go.
Yes, it’s nice in theory but there a few pitfalls to be aware of. . .
- You’ll never get over them: If you’re having trouble getting back together with your ex, or if you decide it’s a bad idea after all, then you need to remove your ex from your life, at least, for a while. You need the time and space to get over your ex and your breakup. If you maintain a friendship with your ex, moving on will be so much more difficult, and you may even turn down opportunities to meet someone new while still holding on to the idea that you may be able to rekindle your romance again.
- Your ex won’t get the chance to miss you: If your ex never misses you they have no reason to want you back. Your ex needs time to let go of any negative feelings they have of you and regain more positive nostalgic feelings. By not communicating with your ex after your breakup, they’ll have the chance to start missing you and realize the breakup wasn’t such a good decision. How can they develop these feelings if you’re still friends and possibly even still hang out together?
- Your ex will be in control: If you to being “just friends,” then you’re really just handing over control to your ex, you are telling them that you’ll settle for anything just to remain close to them. While that may be true, you don’t want your ex to know that. Instead, you want your ex to think that you’re completely fine with the idea of moving on. Seriously, ponder on that for a moment, this will make your ex think they’ve made a mistake by breaking up. They want the best of both worlds, don’t give in to the temptation of giving it to them!
A far better way is to use the right techniques and avoid the friendship zone altogether or. . . if you’re already in it. . . we’ll get to that in a minute. . . there are other considerations you need to be aware of first.
Yes, friends are very important to everyone. A true friend is someone to share the good times with, and someone who will support you during the bad times.
We need friends in our lives.
Your partner, as well as being your lover, is, more than likely, the person you share everything with. Not just your leisure time, but also your fears, worries, hopes and plans. They can be your best friend. . . until you breakup.
Once you’ve made the split, it may seem natural to try and remain friends with your ex… But not always. And sometimes the reason your ex wants to remain friends isn’t what you think it is. Here’s a few more things you really should consider. . .
So. . . “Why does my ex want to be friends?”. . .
What exactly are their reasons?
Maybe They Miss You. . .
For some people, there are two distinct relationships going on at the same time. They don’t want to lose their friend as well as their lover.
While there are couples that can cope with, or even thrive on, a breakup becoming just a friendship, it’s a fairly rare occurrence.
Sometimes it’s great when an ex wants to be friends, but mostly it’s not.
If you’re the one that initiated the breakup, then staying friends can be courting trouble. Your ex will never get the chance to be fully over the relationship.
There is a good chance that they will always be looking for some kind of reconciliation. If you think about it, this is very selfish, and cruel, behavior on your part.
If you’re the one that was dumped, then unless you are of the same mind as your ex, and really agree that the romantic part of the relationship is over, you are setting yourself up for a long and painful ‘friendship’.
Normally, after a breakup, you will either want nothing to do with your ex anymore — or — you will want to be much more than just friends with your ex. . .
. . .How you handle that is very important. . .
If you think staying friends with your ex might be the best option, BE CAREFUL!
As you will see, their reason may not be as innocent as you think. . .
So let’s take a look at why anyone would want to remain friends after a romantic relationship breakup.
Usually the one who gets dumped resents, possibly even hates, their ex — or — still has strong feelings for them.
Neither of these options should make you want to be friends with your ex.
The first one is pointless. The second one would hurt you even more than you’re hurting now, and leave you wide open to being used.
Usually the dumper has made their decision to breakup for one of 4 reasons.
- They have found someone else that they prefer over you.
- They have found something to dislike about you that they find hard to get past.
- They have fallen out of love with you.
- They are bored with you.
Yes, we know there are loads of reasons to breakup with someone, but if you break them down you can usually fit them into one of the above four reasons. For instance, you had an affair — that would fit nicely into number 2.
Knowing that, why would you want to remain friends with them after the breakup?
Getting your ex back in your arms again isn’t about getting into the ‘Friend Zone’. . . it’s about using the best techniques and going straight for what you really want!
Does your ex still care for you?
Your ex may want to be friends because they, wrongly, think it will be a kinder way to breakup with you. They are genuinely thinking of your feelings and trying to soften the blow. But they’ve failed to really consider how that would affect you.
They feel guilty and are trying to make themselves feel better. Sure, they still have enough feelings for you to care, but it’s really themselves they are thinking of.
Is your ex simply playing games?
Your ex simply wants to be confident that you don’t make waves in the future.
If your relationship has lasted any length then you probably know each other’s family, in any case you probably have mutual friends. You most likely all hang out at the same places.
This all means that you could make it awkward for your ex. By staying friends your ex can get on with their life without fear of any scenes in public.
Is your ex hedging their bets and stringing you along?
Perhaps your ex wants the best of both worlds. They want to play the field with the knowledge that you’re waiting on the sidelines. They are just keeping you available. The chances of them reconciling are extremely slim, but they are willing to keep you hanging around ‘just in case’.
It could also be just an ego trip, they want to show they can still have an affect on you.
It’s also possible your ex is still in love with you, they see ‘being friends’ as a stepping stone to getting back together with you. If this is what you want, that’s fine. But, if you’ve already moved on, then it would be unfair to give your ex ‘hope’.
There’s another possibility, this next one is kind of evil but thankfully it’s not very common. Sometimes an ex wants to remain friends for purely selfish reasons, they want to keep tabs on you.
It’s not out of any concern for you or your feelings. It’s because they don’t want to appear stupid to their friends.
How would they look if you ended up happier than they did? Maybe you found someone significant before they managed to. Perhaps you just take to the ‘single life’ a whole lot better than they do.
Whatever happens, they have ensured that they will still be around close enough to spoil things if need be.
And the last reason? Well, your ex is just spiteful and pretending to be friends in order to gain some kind of revenge at some stage.
So, your question. . . “Why does my ex want to be friends?” . . . Does it really matter?
What’s The Next Step?
As you can see, when an ex wants to be friends it is rarely a good idea.
Just bear in mind that you can both remain amicable without having to be friends, it’s not a requirement. There is no good reason for your ex to pressure you into being a friend.
What If You Already Agreed?
Don’t panic: if you already told your ex that you wanted to be friends after the breakup, you can still repair the damage and you still have a very good chance of winning them back. But you can’t waste any more time screwing around and potentially pushing them further away.
If you’re in this situation and you already agreed to “be friends” with your ex, I recommend investing in a step-by-step guide to getting your ex back.
As I said earlier, you don’t want to get stuck in “the friend zone,” so it’s absolutely crucial that you get the right advice and start implementing it as soon as possible. Investing in a reputable guidebook that shows you how to handle any scenario you might face? Well, that would be a good place to start.
If you really do want more than just a friendship. . .
Then getting your ex back isn’t about waiting for THEM to make the decision… turn the psychology to your advantage and take back the control – do you want a second chance with your ex? Find out how to get your ex girlfriend back . . . or how to get your ex boyfriend back , simply click on either one of those links and put the wheels in motion. . .