Dealing with the tricky bits…
Everyone gets themselves into tricky situations at times. It’s normal.
The important part is how we deal with them.
If you think back, you’ll be able to remember lots of these problems from your past. They don’t have to be relationship specific, they can be anything at all.
You’ll also notice that some of the time you dealt with them very successfully, and at other times you failed miserably.
This is all quite normal and true for everybody. It’s all apart of our learning experience.
Relationship problems however, are different for most of us. Because the relationship we have with each different person is unique, it makes it so much harder to learn from the experience. What worked in one situation doesn’t guarantee it will work in another.
That can leave you with a dilemma.
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How to fix your relationship after a breakup has occurred can seem almost impossible to do. It’s also common to try and fix it the wrong way.
The first, and best, piece of advice is — don’t panic. Feeling panicky makes most people react in bad ways.
For some it makes them do nothing at all, not because they don’t want to do anything but because they freeze up, their minds suddenly fail at rational and logical thinking, at least when it comes to their breakup, they simply can’t think of what to do next.
Other’s react instantly with some kind of basic instinct, they rush headlong into preventing their ex from either going, or unintentionally encouraging them to stay away.
The problem is the range of emotions that you go through whenever a breakup happens.
Everyone talks about the pain of losing their partner, but there is a lot more going on besides heartache which tends to confuse everything. For instance, most people feel afraid and, to make matters worse, they usually don’t recognize it as fear.
Nor is it confined to just one fear they experience, there are usually quite a few fears associated with a breakup.
Have You Lost All Control?
The feeling of being helpless is also very common, you’ve just been thrust into a new situation, not of your choosing, and you don’t have the experience or knowledge to deal with it.
So let’s deal with the panic first of all, because panic serves no useful purpose when dealing with a relationship breakup and it will prevent you from recognizing and dealing with the various fears that you’ll have.
The sudden feeling of helplessness is the main contributing factor to this panic, so try and understand this – you are not helpless.
Regardless of what you want to do next, which is either accept your breakup and move on, or fix your broken relationship and get your ex back, there are plenty of things you can do that will help you succeed.
Normally in a relationship the balance of power is roughly fifty fifty between you and your partner, but at the very moment your partner breaks up with you, the balance of power temporarily shifts completely to them.
Your feelings of being helpless is justified, they’ve made the decision and assumed all of the control.
You need to shift this balance of power back to you.
As long as you are willing to leave all the control with your ex there will be little you can do to influence your situation, so you have to make a choice. (or jump ahead and just click here.)
Before choosing, however, let’s have a look at some of the fears that you are likely to experience.
Fears Following A Breakup
To start with, there is the very real fear of the unknown. Up until the breakup you no doubt had all kinds of plans for your future, both personal plans and joint plans with your partner. All these plans and hopes have suddenly disappeared.
In fact, it’s difficult to look into your future in any meaningful way.
There is the fear of being left alone, most people find it difficult to deal with loneliness.
There is a fear that if you let your ex go, or leave it too long to get them back, that they will find someone else and the breakup will really be final.
The fear of not being able to cope without your partner, in all relationships we rely on each other for certain tasks, perhaps even just for approval, and you no longer have this ‘crutch’ to lean on.
These are just a few of the fears that take place in your mind after a breakup, especially while the breakup is happening and the first couple of days afterwards.
But all of them are about you, they are self doubts, your confidence has just taken a huge hit. But as your confidence increases again, these fears will evaporate.
Just remember, you have nothing to be afraid of, it doesn’t matter which choice you make, things have a way working out in the end.
Choices Following A Breakup
Now for your choices. Choosing how you are going to move forward from this point on will help you to take some of that lost power back and put you more in control over what happens next.
So take your time and think carefully about whether you are going to accept your breakup and move on without your ex in your life, or whether you are going to try and rescue your relationship and get your ex back.
It’s your choice to make, your ex has no part in this. Do you now see that you’re getting control back, you’re actually beginning to hold the balance of power and your ex is becoming powerless.
They have broken up with you, they can no longer make any decisions either for, or about you.
It’s all up to you now. You get to make all the decisions.
Fix Your Breakup — Permanently
As this article is about fixing your relationship we’re going to concentrate on getting your ex back, so if you choose to accept your breakup and move on you may want to read this article, “how to get over your breakup, your ex and your heartache.”
Now that you have reclaimed some control over your relationship, and your ex, you should also find that your confidence is building up again.
This is important and is part of the strategy to get you both reunited again, by the end of this article you should be fully in control and you should be fully confident in your ability to get your ex back.
None of this is magic, it all comes about once you finally realize there are ways to get your ex back and fix your relationship once and for all. This confidence boost should help you, not only put a plan of action together, but also help you to take action on it.
Hopefully, you will no longer feel the need to chase after ex and badger them into coming back. That sort of knee-jerk reaction will most likely have the opposite effect anyway, it’ll probably chase off your ex rather than convince them to come back. Not the best way to fix your breakup.
Instead, let them come to terms with the breakup, just because they initiated it doesn’t mean they are immune from side-effects, it’s likely to affect them just as much as it’s affected you.
Besides, if you keep contacting them, you are giving them no chance to question their decision to breakup with you, you’re not allowing things to settle down and change naturally.
You’re maintaining the heat, and possibly anger, in the situation, so allow things to cool down and give your ex the chance to actually miss you — that’s really important.
Don’t allow any stubborn feelings to get in the way of your goals, you want your ex back so you will have to leave enough of an opening for them to take advantage of so they can come back.
Who Needs To Do The Forgiving?
During this time you can think of forgiveness. It would be rare indeed for all the reasons behind your breakup to be the fault of only one of you, your ex will have their reasons for bringing about the breakup and will no doubt blame you every bit as much as you blame them.
So forgiveness is crucial, but don’t just pay lip service to forgiving them, you will have to mean it.
Be prepared to apologize at some stage, and again, you will have to be sincere. I know it was your ex that broke up with you, so you should receive an apology from them as well, but you are not blameless.
Take responsibility for whatever mistakes you have made, an apology will cost you nothing, look what you have to gain.
Now that you can see that there are indeed things you can do to pull your ex back, you can turn things up a notch.
With your new found confidence, along with seeing a real chance of winning back your ex, it’s time to be happy.
Being Happy Is Necessary
Someone that is happy and confident is displaying attractive qualities, so if you can get out and about with friends and family and be seen to be enjoying yourself and coping well with the breakup, you’re almost guaranteed to catch the attention of your ex.
At the very least they will be wondering about you in their own mind, they’ll question why you are not an emotional wreck and bursting into tears all the time or harassing them about returning.
In other words, they will be thinking about you.
Do you feel better now? I hope so, because it doesn’t end there, there is so much more to getting your ex boyfriend … or your ex girlfriend back that you can do to fix your relationship after a breakup, you can even ensure that once you get back together there will be no more breakups in the future…
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Getting back with your ex doesn't have to be difficult!