A Friend? A lover? Or. . . something else?
Why does my ex want to be friends? well, what possible motives could your ex have for wanting to remain friends? After all, as you’re about to see, remaining friends after a breakup is fraught with danger. . .
Besides. . . have you considered what being friends with your ex might be like?. . . And if you are really thinking “I want to be more than just friends” then you should get out of the friend zone FAST. . . read this page Get Out Of That Friend Zone .
You’d think that the reason your ex would want to be friends would be the exact opposite to “why does my ex ignore me?“… but it’s not.
Let’s take a look at the bad side of remaining friends with your ex first. . .
When Your Ex Says “Let’s Be Friends”
It sounds like a pretty reasonable suggestion when your ex says, “let’s be friends,” doesn’t it? After all, you’ve spent months or years of your life with this person, so you obviously like them and vice versa. So why wouldn’t you want to maintain a friendship even after you’ve broken up?
You might even be thinking “being friends is better than nothing” besides, it could be a stepping stone to falling in love all over again.
It sounds good, but as appealing as staying friends with your ex might be, the ‘friendship zone’ is something to avoid when you really desire a more romantic relationship. Staying friends, especially close friends, becomes way too comfortable for your ex, they have no reason to change. . .
When you’re having trouble getting your ex back, being friends with your ex is NOT the way to go.
Yes, it’s nice in theory but there are a few pitfalls you need to be aware of. . .
. . . Are you repelling your ex? Take this 60 second quiz to find out!
Some Things You NEED To Consider
- You’ll never get over them: If you’re having trouble getting back together with your ex, or if you decide it’s a bad idea after all, then you need to remove your ex from your life, at least, for a while.
You need the time and space to get over your ex and your breakup. If you maintain a friendship with your ex while you still desire something more, then moving on will be so much more difficult. And, you may even turn down opportunities to meet someone new; while still holding on to the idea that you may be able to rekindle your romance again.
- And your ex won’t get the chance to really miss you: If your ex never misses you they have no reason to want you back. Your ex needs time to let go of any negative feelings they have of you and regain more positive nostalgic feelings.
Using this time apart to let these bad emotions subside will in turn allow them to start missing you and realize the breakup was a disastrous decision.
How can they develop these feelings of regret if you’re still friends and possibly even still hang out together? After all, you’re still there. . .
- Your ex will be in control: If you agree to being “just friends,” then you’re really just handing over all control to your ex, you are telling them you’ll settle for anything just to remain close to them.
While that may be true, you don’t want your ex to know that. Instead, you want your ex to think you’re completely fine with the idea of moving on. Seriously, ponder on that for a moment, this will encourage your ex to think they’ve made a mistake by breaking up.
They want the best of both worlds, don’t give in to the temptation of giving it to them!
Just ask yourself, “Why does my ex want to be fiends so badly?”
A Better Way To Reunite
A far better way is to use the right techniques and avoid the friendship zone altogether or. . . if you’re already in it. . . we’ll get to that in a minute. . . there are other considerations you need to be aware of first. (see this post Using psychology to fix your breakup .)
Yes, friends are very important to everyone. A true friend is someone to share the good times with, and
someone who will support you during the bad times.
We need friends in our lives.
Your partner, as well as being your lover, is, more than likely, the person you share everything with. Not just your leisure time, but also your fears, worries, hopes and plans. They can be your best friend. . . until you breakup.
Once you’ve made the split, it may seem natural to try and remain friends with your ex… But not always. And sometimes the reason your ex wants to remain friends isn’t what you think it is. Here’s a few more things you really should consider. . .
So. . . “Why does my ex want to be friends?”. . .
What exactly are their reasons?
Maybe They Miss You. . .
For some people, there are two distinct relationships going on at the same time. They don’t want to lose their friend as well as their lover.
While there are couples that can cope with, or even thrive on, a breakup becoming just a friendship, it’s a fairly rare occurrence.
Sometimes it’s great when an ex wants to be friends, but mostly it’s not.
If you're trying to get over your ex and your breakup, this post will show you how. . .
If you’re the one that initiated the breakup, then staying friends can be courting trouble. Your ex will never get the chance to be fully over your relationship.
There is a good chance they will always be looking for some kind of reconciliation. If you think about it, this is very selfish, and cruel, behavior on your part.
If you’re the one that was dumped, then unless you are of the same mind as your ex, and really agree the romantic part of the relationship is over, you are setting yourself up for a long and painful ‘friendship’.
Normally, after a breakup, you will either want nothing to do with your ex anymore — or — you will want to be much more than just friends with your ex. . .
. . .How you handle that is very important. . .
If you think staying friends with your ex might be the best option, BE CAREFUL!
As you will see, their reason may not be as innocent as you think. . .
So let’s take a look at why anyone would want to remain friends after a romantic relationship breakup.
Usually the one who gets dumped resents, possibly even hates, their ex — or — still has strong feelings for them.
Neither of these options should make you want to be friends with your ex.
The first one is pointless. The second one would hurt you even more than you’re hurting now, and leave you wide open to being used.
Usually the dumper has made their decision to breakup for one of 4 reasons.
- found someone else they prefer over you.
- found something to dislike about you they find hard to get past.
- fallen out of love with you.
- become bored with you.
Yes, we know there are loads of reasons to breakup with someone, but if you break them down you can usually fit them into one of the above four reasons. For instance, you had an affair — that would fit nicely into number 2.
Knowing that, why would you want to remain friends with them after your breakup?
Getting your ex back in your arms again isn’t about getting into the ‘Friend Zone’. . . it’s about using the best techniques and going straight for what you really want!
Does your ex still care for you?
Your ex may want to be friends because they, wrongly, think it will be a kinder way to breakup with you. They are genuinely thinking of your feelings and trying to soften the blow. But they’ve failed to really consider how that would affect you.
They feel guilty and are trying to make themselves feel better. Sure, they still have enough feelings for you to care, but it’s really themselves they are thinking of.
Is your ex simply playing games?
Your ex simply wants to be confident that you don’t make waves in the future.
If your relationship has lasted any length then you probably know each other’s family, in any case you probably have mutual friends. You most likely all hang out at the same places.
This all means that you could make it awkward for your ex. By staying friends your ex can get on with their life without fear of any scenes in public.
Does My Ex Want Me Back Or Just Want To Be Friends?
Perhaps your ex wants the best of both worlds. They want to play the field with the knowledge that you’re waiting on the sidelines. They are just keeping you available. The chances of them reconciling are extremely slim, but they are willing to keep you hanging around ‘just in case’.
It could also be just an ego trip, they want to show they can still have an affect on you.
It’s also possible your ex is still in love with you, they see ‘being friends’ as a stepping stone to getting back together with you. If this is what you want, that’s fine. But, if you’ve already moved on, then it would be unfair to give your ex ‘hope’.
There’s another possibility, this next one is kind of evil but thankfully it’s not very common. Sometimes an ex wants to remain friends for purely selfish reasons, they want to keep tabs on you.
It’s not out of any concern for you or your feelings. It’s because they don’t want to appear stupid to their friends.
How would they look if you ended up happier than they did? Maybe you found someone significant before they managed to. Perhaps you just take to the ‘single life’ a whole lot better than they do.
Whatever happens, they have ensured they will still be around close enough to spoil things if need be.
The Last Reason
And the last reason? Well, your ex is just spiteful and pretending to be friends in order to gain some kind of revenge at some stage.
Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship. Lord Byron Click To Tweet
So, your question. . . “Why does my ex want to be friends?” . . . Does it really matter?
The real question is, what do YOU want?
What’s The Next Step?
As you can see, when an ex wants to be friends it is rarely a good idea.
Just bear in mind that you can both remain amicable without having to be friends, it’s not a requirement. There is no good reason for your ex to pressure you into being a friend.
Having said all that. . .
And you’re now aware of all the pitfalls. . .
Sometimes. . .
Being Friends With Your Ex Can Be A Good Thing
So, if you’ve already agreed and told your ex you wanted to be friends after your breakup, don’t panic.
Maybe being “friends” with your ex isn’t ALWAYS bad.
In fact, maybe it could actually be a GOOD sign.
Being “friends” with your ex could actually be a GREAT thing if you want to get back together with them.
Okay, I know you probably think I’ve lost it, but hear me out.
Getting back together is a big decision.
It’s not something your ex is going to take lightly.
And no “perfect” text message or anything is going to change that.
Instead, the harsh reality is that getting back together is going to take time while you and your ex heal and mend your relationship.
And being “friends” is a great way to buy yourself the time you need to do that.
If you refuse to be “friends” with your ex, you’re essentially forcing them to choose between being with you in a romantic sense or not at all.
Frankly, that isn’t a decision they are ready to make right now.
. . .Which means they’ll most likely choose to cut you out of their life for good.
Don’t force them to make this decision until you’ve had some time to warm them up a bit.
Maybe you’re wondering…
“If I’m friends with my ex, won’t I just end up in the ‘friend zone’ for good?”
A good question, and that is why you need to know how to handle the delicate situation of being friends with your ex.
As I said earlier, you don’t want to get stuck in “the friend zone,” so it’s absolutely crucial that you get the right advice and start implementing it as soon as possible. Investing in a reputable guidebook that shows you exactly how to get your ex back is what you need. A plan of action that is laid out for you to follow, to take you by the hand and support you through the whole process.
If you really do want more than just a friendship. . .
. . .Then getting your ex back in a loving and caring relationship isn’t about waiting for THEM to make the decision. . . you have to turn the psychology to your advantage and take back the control – if you really want a second chance with your ex. . .
. . . Are you READY to take the next Step?
. . . You'll find that here when you are. . .
Getting back with your ex doesn't have to be difficult!